Sunday, June 26, 2005

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this lifeI
just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

take me with you
2:50 PM

n0t only was t0day an uneventful day, it's probably one of the m0st uncalled-f0r, wrathful...or rather...a day one would probably swear or curse the most muhaha nahz~ i didnt...ok maybe just a lil hahs~...

tuition was supposed to start at 515 s0 i left the airport at 4.o5 having in mind that i'd definitely reached there on time. its at east c0ast...s0mewhere near marine parade! an h0ur is m0re than en0ugh right. wr0ng! that was...come t0 think about it, a rather witless th0ught! cuz i was a g0od 45mins late! HAHA

firstly, i missed 24. sec0ndly, i waited f0r bus 12 for more than a frigging half h0ur! what the hell was the bus driver doing? lazing around or what! while waiting fruitlessly, 7 bus 24, 3 bus 31 and 4 bus 38 came. oh ya fed 3 mosquitoes as well( assuming each mosquito contributed 1 bite, which is quite nonsensical haa...) was fuming away cuz i waited until 5.15! so i'd to take another bus to bedok interchange to take 32! and on the way to the interchange, i'd to walk through the tunnel. and me, rushing f0r time and walking with enormous f0ot-steps, suddenly realised i was walking in the "in" lane. the mrt tunnel has an "in" and "out" lane which is separated by s0me yell0w chain. the "in" lane leads to the escalat0r up to the interchange! so i'd no choice but t0 climb up the stairs! grrr. how unlucky can i get. zZz...

talking about the separated lanes at bedok mrt...its truly redundant. even while walking one has to f0llow such regulati0ns! everything here is about foll0wing the rules. im not saying that rules sh0uldnt be enf0rced but f0r such minor situations, rules ought to be eliminated. its no w0nder that life here is utterly b0ring. blahs.

now my notes is with e-bong. left it at bk. grrrrrr. lucky charm i need y0u badly.

sigh-
melanch0lic.

i've f0rgotten how nice r0mance is.
i havent been there in the longest time.

give me back my fantasy...

rais0n d'etre

take me with you
2:35 PM

Life's never fair.
why?
cuz life's never fair!
sigh-

but its s0 not fair.

le0's st0ry was really dramatic. haha. like it only happens in st0rylines. anyway... haha g0od for y0u lar. just dont take advantage of her ar. hahahahha....

anyway caught a glimpse of edis0n chen and jay the other day at the airport. saw a few mj peeps waiting in anticipation f0r their arrival as well. anyway s0me of the fans there were really rude. up0n seeing the arrival of jay, these 2 male fans just made their way 0ut between us and pushed us aside! and for gods sake they didnt even utter a w0rd of apology. zZz.

house toliets are currently undergoing ren0vations. grumps. its frigging ann0ying with the hammering and drilling sounds. ARGHHHH. there it g0es again...!! and after mere completi0n yesterday, my bedr0om fl0or was freaking dusty! n0t to mention the files and everything. think my mum's probably one of the best customers they ever had. she's been buying them breakfast f0r the past 3 days i think. =
been usually slack this week. its queer isnt it. the mids are when?.. next tuesday! sigh. just want t0 get over and d0ne with. its tearing me apart mentally.

am sick of everything. i need a break.
sigh-

take me with you
12:30 AM

Thursday, June 23, 2005

I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free (so they say)
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be (so they say)
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill
(climbin' up a hill)

[Chorus]

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)
and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out
And if we walked away
would make more sense (only self defense)
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?
(on a wing and prayer)

[Chorus]

This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, Let's face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye

[Chorus x2]

The long goodbye
The long goodbye
This is the long goodbye

Someone please tell me why

Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Guess I'm never coming back again

take me with you
2:41 PM

Sunday, June 19, 2005

i'm 18 (:

went to sent0sa on friday with the squash team. was quite cr0wded. initially, we were rather b0red cuz there were only 4 of us and we were clueless ab0ut what we c0uld do. then the 3 of them ran towards the embrace of mr ocean while i expl0red the place. havent been to palawan until that very day cuz usually, it is siloso. haha. saw many hunks. then guilt struck me hard. i 0ught to be studying yet i was lazing ar0und at sent0sa! talking about midyears, its 1 week away fr0m now. i dont want to fl0p it. but i guess i will. like whats new huh. argh i digressed. ok back to sent0sa. then we played zhong ji mi ma cum truth or dare (rather, its only dare haha) the unlucky one had to be blown with fl0ur. and beeh0on was the first! haha. she was supp0sed to appr0ach a guy and tell him she had breast cancer muhahaha... she was extremely embarrassed and refused to tell that t0 this guy...or rather boy..we had decided up0n. so we ended up l0itering ar0und him plus his gr0up of friends. and guess what? the boy actually asked whether beeh0on wanted to make friends with him! then his friends started intoducing him. apparently he's 16 and i couldnt resist fr0m laughing haha. po0r beeho0n.

the unlucky one was me. struck twice! the first, i'd to approach a guy and request f0r a birthday song. f0r obvious reas0n. haha. then i walked towards this guy who resembles kuencherng haha. anyway he was rather embarrassed but still he did it cuz he was hiding in his tent. haha. then the second, i'd to approach an0ther guy for the same m0tive. we approached this guy who was su ern's target. she'd to ask him whether she was pretty. haha. back to that, this guy was funny. he asked for my name and i was like...no need lar just sing. haha he was really shy. and i mean really. after singing the first line, he stopped and insisted eugena and gang t0 j0in in. haha. was really funny la cuz he was really shy. then beeh0on said it seemed as though we were making fun of that guy instead of me. muhaha.

right. eugena was the lucky bum.

then faeez and yisheng came al0ng. was stunned. and thanks to faeez i was really white. played s0ccer after that. hahaha. i like! then i'd to rush off to tampines fr0m sentosa to meet my parents f0r dinner. d0ts. was late and mum grumbled. haha.

yawns.

i like the tee and this really nice phot0-frame. thanks (:

wee. played squash t0day. after soooo long. hehs. g0t 3 tops for this year's birthday. haa. thanks =D l0oking f0rward to gabe's present. haa...

in a state of confusi0n...
ambiguity and aimless
you dont have to.
you really dont.
promises cant be made.
i've no ill-intents to hurt anyone.
but i kn0w...
i've unkn0wingly inflicted pain in you.
refrain fr0m treating me well.
please.

the feeling of emptiness is c0nstantly bugging me.
unfeeling me.
the disability to comprehend the wonders of that magic w0rd.
i really d0nt.
n0t anym0re.
but then again,
h0w could an unfeeling person understand?

imbecile.

take me with you
4:21 PM

isnt he c-u-t-e! ok thats a statement not a question (:
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take me with you
4:10 PM

hehehee...
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take me with you
4:05 PM

beams*

take me with you
4:04 PM

fake blow haha
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take me with you
3:59 PM

haha our position's weird...
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take me with you
3:56 PM

Friday, June 17, 2005

Happy Birthday To ME!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

take me with you
3:00 PM

Thursday, June 16, 2005

dinner with them was great (:
thanks for the stuff.
but someone still owes me a st0ry.
haha...

its appr0aching...
the intensity is unbearable
scowls-

it was the way y0u left me in the lurch.
feeling fragile and br0ken.
it was the way i was discarded by you
awfully heartening.
feeling t0rn apart and heart-rending.
struggling and yearning...
it was then when i realized...
turning back seems far away
fr0m where we've left.

take me with you
5:47 PM

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

pr0testttt!!

zhang feng qi is going to np f0r a mini c0ncert!!!

NOT FAIR

justice isnt d0ne!

grump grump.

just updated my multiply heh... viewing makes y0u slimer/t0ner/mach0-er! *grins.

anyway...

NOT FAIR!!!

}:(

take me with you
2:55 PM

Monday, June 13, 2005

haha i just remembered s0mething! yesterday @ swensens, i got myself a breaded chicken but i didnt eat the skin cuz it was t0o oily and fattening. guess i'm bec0ming more like a health freak. whatever it is, guess who helped me to clear up that piece of skin?! chen qing rui! hahahaha... that explains why he's gr0wing side-ways. thank g0d his nafa is next year. muhaha.

yawns. i'm terribly deprived of sleep and its the june h0ls! infuriating isnt it. grump grumps.

craving f0r chocolates!.. =D
it makes me happyyyy.

take me with you
2:51 PM

Sunday, June 12, 2005

my eye lids feel heavy. yawn...

had my advanced birthday celebration today with my sec sch0ol friends. haha. met up at swensens f0r lunch. then ba0 and jess went away for quite some time and were behaving somewhat secretive. by their mysteri0us behaviour i knew they bought a cake. it was supp0sed to be a surprise s0 i just played al0ng and pretended i didnt suspect anything. say im smarttt! haha. as expected they g0t me a bikini. in fact we'd already agreed on it previously on s0ck's birthday that the 4 of us would get that as a gift this year. zZz.

kc isnt happy in sp. he said disgustingly that there was this girl in his class who lo0ks like gh0st cuz of her huges eyes and that she's flirtatious. apparently he's the minority who doesnt fancy gals with huge eyes. haha kc hasnt changed since sec1. hm. haha. that g0es for his height as well. whaha. f0rtunately he's gabe t0 accompany him. im so e-v-i-L.

justin kept blabbering about his upcoming proposal on a business idea. he said something like getting $10 in return f0r giving up each d0llar. he seems pretty seri0us and optimistic that it'll definitely make money. capital's c0ming fr0m tp. so g0od ar. anyway he's busy l0oking for partnership. oh right. its po0l that he's obsessed with. and its the p0ol center @ the pavilion that he's targeting hahaha.

cqr changed th0ugh! haha. side-ways that is. dots. but his habit of carrying his all-time backpack with god-kn0ws-whats-inside has finally come to a halt. haa... all in all, had a superb time this aftern0on. i miss them! (:

right.

bao and i together with gabe went swimming on friday. haha. though it has scorching h0t, gabe still lo0ks fair depsite the sun-tan loiti0n. hah. what queer pigment he has.

yawns.

angela and i created a scene at bedok interchange on thursday. we were on our way for tuition when i saw people boarding bus 14 so i told her to run after it. we looked comical lar. running ungracefully. what made things worst was, angela thought people were alighting and not boarding the bus. so we waited. suddenly the bus started to reverse and we saw people inside. d0ts. and so we missed it in spite of the eff0rts made. haa. anyway the tut0r's way of explaining stuff is quite g0od. except that he adds in chinese proverbs now and then which i find f0reign. scowls.

jess's bf is coming back and they're heading to hongk0ng the week after next. how nice~.. he's been gone for more than 200 days. not that im the one counting lar! haha...

saw matthew the other day. kind of surprised. the fell0w whom i fell head over heels in sec2. the pers0n wh0 first taught me what heartache was all about. sheer stupidity and naviety of me at that time. ha. i s0und revengeful. its not that. just that there're certain phases in my life which i'll never f0rget. never.

the w0rld's full of hypocrisy.
why cant it be simplier.
if only we dont have to consider what others think.
if only pe0ple are m0re impervi0us.
musing 0ver stuff which will never make sense.

take me with you
3:32 PM

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

day started well.

pr0ceeded okay. or rather, i enj0yed myself.
was talent scouted.
wanted to rush off initially thinking that it'd g0t to be some $5 donation stuff which i'm s0mehow frequently approached. charitable face? whahaha.

though there were certain upheaval, everything went considerably well.

the flattering comments and questions asked were misleading.
the day ended somewhat right. yet confusing.

but everything's crystal clear n0w cuz of one phone call which i find absolutely riling.
what i'd done was inadvertently!
sighs-
in conclusion i'm totally turned off.
in spite of the difficulties faced, i've managed to find the route 0ut fr0m the maze.

i hate it when statements are passed just to get off the hook.
liars-thats what i call it.

shagged. yawns. nights world.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split
personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient
and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful...
that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone
who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship
where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero.
You care about society and morality.
You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you.
You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment,
you think of love as commitment.
Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/

take me with you
4:12 PM

Sunday, June 05, 2005

went swimming with ba0. i feel so healthy. haha... remincised about the past. f0r 4years, we met up for sch0ol 5 days a week. went h0me t0gether alm0st everyday. yet we could still h0g onto the ph0ne f0r hours. my parents were pretty amazed about the am0unt of stuff we were able to talk about. haha. gabriel actually misses mr raj! our math teacher aka blackd0g. whaha. gabe used to hate him but now he misses him.
those were the days... so memorable... didnt kn0w it would have such a great impact on us. haiz. i wanna cry already. cuz it makes me realise how awful life is n0w. snorts.

gabe said he wished he was always 16. actually me t0o. i dont want to gr0w up. i dont what t0 hit 2o. p0uts. life's never fair. but we've the right to ch0ose. *ch0rtles* but the choices given p0ssess the same qualities! if y0u kn0w what i'm implying. yawns. anyway, life g0es on. but i've abs0lutely no idea to where i'm heading next. turning gradually int0 a bohemian.

swayed. thats the w0rd. resist. its a must.
sometimes i feel like an epitome imbecilic.

sighs-
BYE.

take me with you
2:45 PM

Saturday, June 04, 2005

feel like a pig. yawns.

just g0t back from dinner at the spore swimming club. the f0od's great i supp0se. but doesnt suit my liking. f0r the "buddha jump 0ver the wall" i ended up drinking mushroom soup instead. my mum commented that the "black sp0ts" on the sea cucumber are "black heads". d0ts. so gr0ss manz! and so is the black chicken. my mum actually said...has t0 be fr0m sri lanka! hahah~ but she isnt being racist la. just meant it as a wryly j0ke. and i'd my first lobster t0day! but didnt like it. zZ.. and the fish was damn 0ily can! it was stated baked on the menu but was actually deep-fried! my sis was so pissed that she refused to t0uch it. haha. the manager actually said it was written wr0ngly on the menu. lame excuse. zZz. oh ya there's this waitress wh0's damn nice la. she helped me to rem0ve the l0bster meat after she saw h0w i helpness i was in handling it. so pai seh. grumps.

yawnnnnssss.......

luck has been d0wn recently. firstly, that day at mac... i was sitting in fr0nt of this gr0up of b0ys. sec0ndary sch0ol kids i reck0n. and they actually t0ok my picture without my kn0wledgement! dammit. damn basket one lar. then t0day at kfc, there's an0ther group of kids sitting beside us. then when i l0oked up, the bloody camera was facing me lar. i gave a hard stare and that kid was rather embarrassed. zZz. nearly snatched the hp fr0m him but resisted such uncouth act. i'm actually quite demure okay! HAHAHA. juz j0king. anyway, dont they have better things to do.hais. incorrigible and dec0rum.

then yesterday on the way back, there's this group of muds whom i walked pass. they were like..." hi my name is john etc" then today, they said..."hey today later ah...yesterday a lil earlier ah..." ZZZZZ. is it me or is it them! grumps.

alrighty. i'm d0ne complaining.

went jogging yesterday ab0ut 7+. was one of the scariest moment of my life. half way through the reserv0ir, i realised i was the 0nly one there and it was alm0st pitch dark. ZZZ. scary.

glad that i havent been squandering. hahahaha...
yayness. ba0 has agreed to go j0gging with me next week. (:
shorty li is blabbering about bL now. whaha. damn funny...fancy getting excited at this hr! haha...

few m0re nerve-racking months. hais. yet its a responsiblity that cannot be abdicated. zZz.

E-Bongggggggg!!...go see a d0ctor regarding y0ur st0mach kay.

persistent emptiness.

take me with you
2:58 PM

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

*an enormous and unfeminine yawns...~*

i'm w0rn-out. zZz. guess wot. there's a m0ck ec0ns test t0morrow. great. and i heard about it like yesterday? and didnt know that we were actually given the schedule regarding this week's econs revisi0n lecture? yea i'm partly at fault. f0r being terribly absent-minded. whatever it is, its 9pm n0w and the test is on the entire syllabus. h-a-h-a. infer and y0u'll now what i'm trying to imply. heh~

oh right. had gp mid year yesterday. then met up with ba0. HAHA. no matter h0w seld0m we meet up and stuff, s0mehow we're still quite well-inf0rmed of each other's 0ngoing life. greatttt => yawns.

haha. the chem files were sent in f0r checking last term. and guess w0t the h0d has commented f0r jasper's file? she said his file is like "salted vegetable" ! totally hilari0us. cuz she was trying to say its atrociously disorganised with inc0mplete work. which is other w0rds, she meant "giam chai" HAHA. actually mine als0 lar. many incomplete tutorials. d0ts. -_-

we're supp0sed to have our june h0ls n0w. but seems like the w0rkload is increasing each day. exhausting.

an0ther gl0omy day ahead...

havent been feeling great these days.
could be the accumulating stress.
could be s0mething else.
an uncanny feeling.
this isnt g0od.

n0t what i want at all.
yet
isnt this what i've always preferred?
but the emptiness in me
makes me inferior
and unfeeling...

i dont want this...
please fill up the vacant in me

take me with you
12:15 PM